“They Must Make Me Happy”… Or Not.

Could we love our loved ones enough to relieve them of the impossible task of always keeping us happy?

Only two persons have the collective ability to ensure our consistent happiness in life and those two person are God and you.

No one else. Not your spouse, parent, child, friend, boss, no one else. Just you and God working together.

Why are our loved ones, even with all their good intentions unable to ensure our sustained happiness?

Because they are humans

  • Humans are characteristically limited in their access to resources. (We don’t have everything we want!) 
  • Humans have limited skills. (We just cannot do everything we wish we could.)
  • Humans have limited ability to focus. (We cannot pay equal attention to EVERYthing we need to, at the same time hence the need to delegate.)
  • Humans have limited access to location. (We just cannot be everywhere we wish we could, at the same time.)
  • Sometimes, humans may have limited interest in meeting a person’s happiness-need. 😒

See? Limited. [I am making a case for your loved ones here. 😁] It is my hope that this understanding will make us less entitled and more thankful whenever our relatives or friends do their best to show us love/kindness.

Why is God capable of ensuring our continuous happiness?

  • God has unlimited access to resources. Why, he created the whole world! The cattle on a thousand hills, the gold in a thousand mines belong to him. Think about it.
  • God is limitlessly skillful and completely capable. Think about the science and art He employed in designing the human body, the yearly seasons, the solar system, the earth, sky and seas. Think about the balance in them all. God can make the seemingly impossible possible.
  • God can be everywhere at the same time. He is omnipresent.
  • God absolutely has your interest at heart. For more on this, check out my previous post.

Is it possible for someone to remain unhappy even though God is actively working to make them happy?

Yes, it is!

This is because God does not impose his will on people.

We have to intentionally open our eyes to the beauty around us and the million little miracles we experience regularly. We have to close our minds to the schemes of the devil to magnify the ugly and to make us think that a corner on our path is the destination. We may also need to let go of the offences from our loved ones and acquaintances.

We have to choose to be happy.

It is like Cody’s father in one of Cocomelon’s episodes sang to him, “You can make your own happiness.”

You can make your own happiness.

We all need to intentionally partner with God to ensure that we are constantly in a state of bliss.

Moreover, this is a command to us Christians. We are charged to walk in the Spirit, and one of the fruit of the Spirit is Joy. Galatians 5: 16-26

It is interesting that the Bible calls it “Joy” and not merely happiness. Joy is deeper than happiness.

Happiness is reactive, it tends to depend on our circumstances and experiences.

Joy is inherent, we can be joyful no matter where we are. Joy is sourced and sustained by the power of God’s spirit working in us. He comforts us when trouble comes. He opens our eyes to the miracles. He steers the people in our lives to take actions that would brighten our day. He gives us hope when things are not quite where we want it. He makes us happy!

The two persons who can ensure our continuous happiness – our joy – are God and we ourselves.

Periodt!

On the flip side of that coin. ☺️

Most of us have, at one time or another, met people who are simply impossible to please; people who you may go out of your way to do all you can to make them happy, but all to no avail.

Here is my word of encouragement, if you ever face such situation:

It is not you. 

“It is not you, it is them.”

See, people are at different stages in their lives. Some are dealing with depression, some are intrinsically negative, some are facing a hard time. They need to heal. They need to get the help they need from God and maybe professionals. And may take some time for the healing and deliverance to be completed. Please remember these and be kind to yourself.

Do we have any responsibility to those in our lives?

Yes, we have a role to play in the lives of our relations, friends, community and even strangers – everyone we are privileged to have in our lives. 1 John 3:18

  • The Bible exhorts us to gently lift those who are down, while paying attention not to get dragged down ourselves in the process. Galatians 6:1
  • We are enjoined to carry others’ burden, to lend a helping hand. Gal 6:2
  • We are encouraged to continually do good to others. But it also says we will reap the result at the proper time. Galatians 6:9 

While we play our part of doing good, there are two things we must do in order to preserve ourselves.

1. Keep in mind that you are human and God is… God: As explained earlier, we as humans are limited. Only God is sovereign. We should do our best to help others, and remember to leave the rest to God. This in itself is an act of faith.

Do your best and leave the rest.

2. Get rid of feelings of guilt: If you are doing all you can, please do not accommodate feelings of guilt if the person is not yet where you want them to be. From personal experience, I can tell how tempting it is to wonder. “Oh, is this my fault in any little way?” I have also learnt to squash that thought. 🧡

Do all the good you can, recommend any help they require and leave them in God’s capable hands in the hope that they will cooperate with Him to secure their joy.

Cheers to joyful living! 🥂

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